Settling Dust

I am at a loss as to how hard it has been to have the chance to sit at the keyboard (aside from the phone) and download my thoughts into a coherent blog post. Bits and pieces come out from time to time while getting a few spare moments to myself with a friend or two.

So I guess....where to begin?

Life since moving has been full of emotions. I almost immediately felt like we've lived here for years as I pulled out our belongings from the amassed boxes in the basement. Our house is no 'open concept' layout style, but more so, a 'double the fun' size. (did you just start singing the old double mint commercial?) We aren't living on top of each other nor getting lost in all the new space to breath in. It's old and new and doesn't scream any particular style of house.

In a way......it fits us perfectly.

We beam with pride at the new.

Grimace at what we'd like to change.

Accept what we cannot change....

....and look hopeful to the future and the memories to be recorded.

This house will mostly be the only one Alden will be aware of, outside of the pictures taken in the past. And speaking of pictures....it only recently dawned on me that I no longer have my mini tree laden forest backyard to step out to for impromptu kid pictures.

Change always comes at some sort of price....whether you realize it now or many years later.


Change, change, change....

It evokes thrills and panic, and sometimes all at once!

Alden is changing and growing everyday. And as I look into welcoming spring and the even more welcomed summer season....my spirit kinda sinks. Summer marks when my baby boy will turn one. Why didn't I cherish more of those first few months? Why did I have to be so busy with my own interests or tending to the other kids to not sit and hold him and soak it all in? Quite a few folks are having babies and I'd be lying if I didn't say some of the baby fever wasn't sticking.

Forget all the pregnancy dealings.....lets just skip to when they place him/her in my arms and we melt together.

Deal?

Matt will say without hesitation that he is done with the bio babies. If anymore come to us, he will insist they be potty trained. And I too, will admit we are probably done....but I can't shake the pain of 100% coming to that point myself. Logistically, it's spelled pretty boldly as to why, but the heart doesn't always agree with the brain.

Over and over I will have to tell myself...."Just as it was scary to enter motherhood and adjust to all the rigors and ecstasy of being a parent of babies....the same can be said to saying goodbye to that chapter too."

It's okay to have your own passions and to pick them back up. Having that newborn in your arms is not the be all end all. Only a precious pause of the numerous you will find throughout your lifetime. You'll adjust to new changes and then go back to mourning them when a new season of change comes through the doors.

Wash, rinse, repeat.....and that's okay.

It's okay to be sad and miss, as it proves it was something worthy amongst all the dull and dripple of our everyday lives.

Or at least that's what I keep telling myself!  

P.S.
I will post pictures of the house and write a post on all that we've encountered since being homeowners. So stay tuned.