Mothering with ADHD

*Note- Not sure if I've posted this before...but its something pretty important I feel to share. And maybe someone else won't feel so alone in the process*

The year I turned 27, I finally got some answers to some long wondered difficulties. It seemed like once I moved away from my safe haven of 24 years in the same house and community....everything kinda hit the fan.

Like the biggest stinky pile into an industrial special effects fan.

Since getting the diagnosis of ADHD as an adult, it was as if there was a fog being lifted.

Everything.made.sense.

Growing up and my educational struggles before college were now explained. When I went to college and was able to focus on something I was very interested as opposed to the things I HAD to take previously. My HS GPA was 2.85. Graduating college it was 3.80. I knew I was smart, but couldn't understand why it didn't translate.

As the years have passed, I've been on and off medications. Turns out...being an adult who needs meds is actually a hard thing to be prescribed, let alone be able to pay for it. Then throw in pregnancy and having to go off them for safety and breastfeeding concerns...

It seemed like every time I was eligible to go back on....after two weeks I would be pregnant. Coincidence maybe?

The biggest challenge in the past has been my working environment. I've described it like being a Philips head in a flat head world. I can do the same thing as everyone else, but I just get there differently. I have my own 'tool box' of tricks to apply if I'm allowed to use them. Otherwise....we have lots of frustration and tears shed.

Being a SAHM with ADHD has been an interesting journey as those who have faithfully continued to visit this blog can surely vett for this. I live/breath/sleep in my office. No sick time or vacation days or even date nights for that matter! Every day is the same and different at the same time. I struggle with finding the motivation and drive to do the daily tasks while also give care and attention to my children. Many times, I don't find this until late at night.

So do I give in to chores or have some 'me' time? Me time is usually because I found an unexpected burst of creativity and I want to ride the wave as long as I can. This can also happen with house chores.

Having ADHD is like surfing. You paddle out, waiting for the perfect wave to come. Mean while, you bob up and down...going no where. This going no where, is when you find yourself getting depressed/agitated or letting your anxiety get the best of you. The motor is revving, but has no where to go or put that energy into something.
A lot of the time, there are things outside of your control.

You.don't.like.this.

Focus comes in different categories.

Maybe I'll get a wave of child oriented focus where I'll come up with an activity or play on the floor with them.

Maybe a house cleaning wave comes my way.

Or the hardest....a me focused project.

Then, like jealous children....they get upset and fight with each other...feeling neglected while guilt sets in over not giving them enough attention.

Drugs are not 100% the answer. They only allow me to better utilize my tips and tricks for daily life. Right now, I am on some sort of medication that can help with focus and keeping the idling engine in check. It's not perfect, but it will have to do due to my present breast feeding relationship.

But at least I can afford this one.

I am not sure how individuals can afford mental health drugs each month. The previous one I was on recently, which was the only non stimulant option, was also the ONLY one available. And of course that meant it was brand name. Even with my decent health insurance AND a prescription savings card from the pharmaceutical company...came to $105 dollery doos!

You may not see my disability on the outside, but many of us go through life with invisible struggles. Some know about them, and others have yet to get the answers as to why life is so difficult to function with most of society.

My name is Erin Geddes, and I have adult ADHD