Pesky Feelings

This first weekend has come with a quiet nagging.

A slow and subtle voice whispering demands of "Better get all your cleaning done this weekend", "Quick, go call up someone for a playdate" & "Don't do stupid stuff with your precious time."

If any of you mommas out there know how to shut this off...please do tell.

After I handed over my keys to the Youth Center, I was exhausted. I wanted to leave with a bang and threw a carnival in the gym. It was complete with eight game stations, tickets for prizes, popcorn and even a bouncy house.

As we loaded the rest of the stuff from my office, Matt took me aside and said...

I am so proud of you honey. You finished strong and didn't run away from those mountains you once faced. You stayed there for those kids for over four years and gave them a very special day.

I wasn't sure if it was the pure feelings of being drained, but all I felt was numb and indifferent. I was saying goodbye to a chapter in my life, but at the same time, not leaving the book. This is still my place of worship for our family and moving on to another church would require a significant move.

Brace with me as I sift through these feelings that will fall in my thoughts.

"To all who've come to this happy place, welcome"

Today is the first day that I wake up a 100% stay at home mom in my life. None of this maternity leave stuff where I go into denial about what my real life is after those fleeting 10 weeks have passed.

I have bitterly sweet stepped down from my former job. A job that I've been with for nearly 5.5 years. The longest in fact, even surpassing my long term college job.

No more worrying about if I have any sick time available...

Child Care crisis is a thing of the past...

EVERYDAY can be spirit pajama day if I want...

My time can now be spent creating activities for my own kids to enjoy while we fight bond closer together while Daddy is away at work.

When my husband and I were dating, I wanted him to know that I didn't have a real desire to be a homemaker and stay home with the kids. In fact, the thought of being pregnant and having this bulging belly that couldn't come off was a bit terrifying to say the least.

Pass the crow please....

For some of you, this blog is only a continuation of my former secret blog that I have kept since 2009 after finding I needed a place of anonymity while in the public eye of youth ministry. I was learning real quick that I couldn't come very close to being 100% myself on Facebook. It served me well with completing over 300 posts, chronicling my first five years of marriage and two little blessings.

I look forward to continuing my life in a little more open and less hidden venue as my real and online friendships can be allowed to convene together.

In coming up with this new place to write in, the title can be best explained bellow.

"You Only Live Once, so make it count as a mom with these precious years of your children's lives"